did you get engaged???
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
