I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
