How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
