I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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