i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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