She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
