Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
