So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
