you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
