whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
