Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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