I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
