Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
