My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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