the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
