why didn't you poke me back
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
