Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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