I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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