i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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