so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's never too late to be topless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
