I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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