why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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