my shit smells like andre
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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