All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's blow job season.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
