She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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