Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
