Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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