so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
