This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
