You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
