Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
