hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
