i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
