got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ladies don't puke and tell
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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