She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
