I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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