He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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