I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
