Umm I'm too high to move.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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