nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
