WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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