btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
