We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
