WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
