I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
