Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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