I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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