my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
