so that wasnt chicken after all
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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