Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
MIDGETS
????
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
