I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
