I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
