If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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