I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
