So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
